Predominantly Inattentive ADHD child in School and Beyond

Inattentive ADHD child in School
I, like many children with ADHD, did very poorly in school.  I, in fact, almost did not graduate from High School despite being in a vocational work program.   The Vo-Tech program only required that I spend 4 hours a day in school taking very basic courses.  I spent the rest of my school day working in a hospital.  

On my last day of high school I found myself begging the assistant principle to sign my paperwork and allowing me to graduate.  I had a 1.9 average.  I had thought that this was a 'C' average and that this is what I needed to graduate.  The assistant principle informed me that, even though a 3.9 average was an 'A' average and a 2.9 was a 'B' average, a 1.9 was considered a 'D' and therefore I had not passed my senior year.

I asked where, if anywhere, it was stated that a 1.9 average was a 'D'.  He responded that no one had ever bothered to quibble about whether a 1.9 was a 'C' or a 'D' so that it was not written anywhere.  I explained to the assistant principle that if any one had informed me of this arbitrary lack of consistency on the part of calculating grade point averages that I would have done what I needed to do to get that extra tenth of a point.  When he asked me how on earth I would have done this, I carefully spelled out the exact process that I would have completed to get that extra tenth of a point.  This process involved not being late for school on 'X' number of days, not skipping school on 'X' number of days, (at this school 9 tardy days would count as an absence, and absences would cost you a deduction in the your grade for that particular class).

When I was finished explaining to him the rather complex math formula with which I had gone through high school getting the exact tenths of a point that I needed, in this class and that, to accomplish that 1.9 average, he was horrified.   He had counseled me a million times about skipping school, about being late for school and he was shocked that I had made such a mockery of the point system.  Children with ADHD can spend a great deal of energy at school focusing on things, like this, that they find interesting and which require, in the end, much more energy than simply completing the school work.

I knew, for a fact, that this man was sick of seeing me in this office.  I pleaded with him explaining that another year of this misery was not going to do anything but drive him and me crazy. He told me that if I had spent less time finagling the system and more time in class I would have been much better off.  I told him that this was probably true but that I skipped school so much because, like most kids with ADHD, I hated school with a passion.

The turning point was when he asked me why I hated school. I told him the truth.  I said, "I do not learn this way, I learn by doing, look at my transcript folder, I have never missed a day of work.  I have a 4.0 average in the Healthcare vocational program."    He looked at my folder.  I had started off working as a nurse's aid but had been promoted to the position of Operating Room Technician based on glowing references from the nurses that supervised me.  "Not everyone can do this classroom stuff." I told him.  A light bulb came on in this man's brain and he, to my immense relief, signed my graduation paperwork.

Children with ADHD do not learn the way other children learn.  Most children with ADHD will do much better in programs that do not involve sitting quietly in a classroom listening to a lecturer.  The hyperactive children need room to move and the inattentive children need help to stay engaged.  Unfortunately, the majority of school classrooms are structured in a way that do nothing but torture Children with ADHD.

People who know me today cannot believe that I barely graduated from High School and ask me how I ever got into college.  The answer is, it was an uphill climb. I took a gap year where I lived in Europe.  It was there that I discovered the U.S. Embassy Library and started reading.  It was there that I discovered that I like to learn and it was there that I decided that I would do what I had to do to go to college.  

It was a tremendous amount of work but I was relieved to find that in Junior college and then at the University that professors did not care if I ever went to class providing that I learned the material.  I developed my own unique ADHD way of studying, of using the class lectures only if they helped me, and of, at times, getting individual help from professors.   I thrived in college.

I was fortunate to have been surrounded by people who respected me despite my failings at school.  I am grateful that my mother, my family,  my friends, and my co-workers never once made me feel as though I was stupid.   I think all children with ADHD should have this kind of support network.  It is the only way to ensure that even if they fail in school, they will not fail in life.

31 comments:

  1. When I read your posts it's hard for me to believe you had/have(?) ADD. I trust you that you do, it's just that I'd have thought someone w/ ADD would want to write a blog, start a blog, not quite finish it, get distracted, quit, erase, post something later, quit...
    But you seem to write these amazing entries almost every day. Have you changed? Your posting/profiling on the little girl w/ ADD (what it might be like for a girl w/ADD)--- do you think she could grow up to be so attentive as you? I hope so. I trully hope so.
    Best Wishes,
    Marianne

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  2. The little girl is me so yes, she grows up to be much more attentive given the right circumstances. I do not know if my inattentive ADD improved because I found a way to manage these symptoms or if, as I aged, my inattention became less. I still have residual symptoms such as time management problems, tasks that I complete in a very sloppy manner, leaving many loose ends, I can zone out and be in my own world for hours at a time... I think one of the main differences is that now, I can prepare for and manage these symptoms and as a child I could not. The real reason that I blog is that I want other individuals who a struggling with ADHD, including my sons,to know that the story can have a happy ending. That just because you are struggling now, it does not mean that you will always struggle. Thanks so much for your kind post.

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  3. Wow, I just found your blog. I am sure you and I are related. I also have ADHD-PI but it was not diagnosed until mid-life. I finished high school exactly as you did and not with one extra credit. I have always known what "just enough" was. I read the encyclopedia and dictionary throughout school as anything was more interesting that listening to the teacher droning on about blah, blah, blah. I now take Adderal with great success but until I tried medication I consumed 10-12 Diet Cokes per day. I have no children but will continue to follow your blog as it is honest and truly portrays the issue. I have always seen the big picture and never thought of my ADHD-PI as a handicap. We do differ in that I thrive on change and challenges and do become bored easily. I read 3-4 books per week to combat this, as I also did in school instead of paying attention in class. I am now a Jeopardy whiz! Thanks for the honest insight.

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  4. So glad to have found you!!! It is so funny that you describe the droning of the teachers as 'blah, blah, blah'. That is soooooo spot on. You are so right about needing to see the big picture!! That is exactly the message that I try to pass on to my kids. "Do not sweat the small stuff". I would love to hear from you regarding what I am missing here on this site. Any and all suggestions would be greatly welcomed and appreciated! Thanks for your wonderful comments. Tess

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  5. Please continue to tell your kids that many of the symptoms you either grow out of or learn to manage successfully. Life becomes easier as you grow up. As you know, as you age, you learn what works for you. For example: I never use the expressions "just enough" or "get by" anymore. I keep that to myself and move on. Although some of the minute details still trip me up I am an excellent troubleshooter and am completely resolution driven. I always look for employment that provides consistant changes. Sometimes that is in the basic job itself and sometimes it involves a different location for work. I will continue to follow your blog, I think you are doing a great job!
    LA

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  6. Good Points and I like the career suggestions. My ER job changes from minute to minute!! Thank You.

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  7. My 6 year old was recently diagnosed with ADHD - Inattentive. I was wondering if you could point me in a direction? That is WHAT DO I DO? I am totally freaking out and I need help with materials so I can help my child.

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  8. My first step would me to make certain that he is taking a vitamin with 100% of B vitamins, iron, and zinc. Place him on an Omega-3 fatty acid like Coromega, get him outside and into some regular exercise program like swimming, walking, soccer,etc.

    Look at this site in the area on the top left where there is a category called 'Alterntatives for ADHD'. Look into trying Cogmed, EEG biofeedback,vision therapy, etc. After giving all of this a good 3-4 month trial, consider a trial of medication IF your son is falling behind in school or if he is otherwise suffering from his inattention.

    Let me know how it goes and email me at tessmesser@gmail.com if you have any specific questions that I may be able to help with.

    My inattentive son read your email and wanted me to tell you to not freak out, he said to me,'Mommy, tell her not to freak out, being inattentive is really not such a terrible thing'.

    You son is going to be OK. Nothing happens over night, progress will be slow but with your help and devotion, you son will do fine! Tess

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  9. Thank you for being here! I wanted to cry when I read this blog! You almost described me! I have been over the years trying to figure out how to cope. I started a blog and did not know where to go with it! But, told myself this is the one thing I truly have a passion for. I mean not wanting my girls to have to struggle the way I have. Thank you for you advice and all you are doing for us!
    Heather

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  10. Thanks so much for commenting. It is great to know I am in good company.

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  11. Hello Tessermom I am currently in highschool 11th grade and starting to struggle with the constant bombard ment of assinments. I constantly find some kind of destraction when trying to get down and actually do an assinment lol actually right now this is destracting me but I wanted to know why i can't seem to resolve this issue so I looked up the "Study Drug" and found that it is a medication that treats the ADHD-PI. I looked into that and found that it relates to alot of what I do. After looking through the ineternet for more information I came apon your site read the blogs and articals for about 3 hours none stop because it was vary intresting and now I'm not sure wheather I might have ADHD-PI or its all in my head. Many things in your blogs and articals seem to talk about what I do on a day to day bases, live in my head, get fixated by something that intrest me while mainly ignoring what is unintresting like school, how when I drink coffee I can actually get down and do some work and wanting to partisipate in activitys but not really careing if do or not. I was reading up on the medication and alot of it sound vary uplesant with the anphedamine drugs being addictiv and such but I don't know if there could be a nother alternative to help me focuse and the fact is that I want to do well I want to get to university but i feel like theres a wall of something that i can't grasp or see that is blocking my way. So I am curently going to have doctors appointment and tell him what I think I have but I'm unsure of how experiance he will be considering the fact that this ADHD-PI is unlike anything else. If you could give some feed back that would be a grate help.

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  12. P.S I have bad gramer :S

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  13. I guess the first question I would want to know if I were your doctor is if this distraction is new or if your parents and teachers would say that you were prone to inattention at home and at school. People with ADHD-PI tend to be pretty disorganized and scattered at home and at school. They day dream a lot and have always day dreamed a lot. ADHD-PI folks set out to do one thing and get distracted mid-way and forget what they set out to do.

    If you have been this type of a person (spacey, forgetful, disorganized) for most of your school life then I would classify you as having ADHD-PI.

    The good news is that there are some behavioral interventions and classroom interventions that work tremendously well for ADHD-PI. I would start by finding a ADHD coach and I would look into cognitive therapy like Cogmed. If you tell me where you life I can help you find a link with names of certified coaches and Cognitive Therapist.

    It does not sound like you have ever been behaviorally disruptive so you probably do not need an amphetamine treatment and if you do, you can get by with a very low dose. The first treatment should be cognitive and/or behavioral therapy.

    If that does not work, a low dose of amphetamine might work and will be much much safer and better than you running the risk of 'self medicating' with alcohol or cigarettes which is unfortunately what happens a lot with girls and women that have ADHD-PI.

    Email me with any questions that you have!! Tess

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  14. Thanks for the advise it helped alot but there is one thing that i gess contradicts me have ADHD-PI is that infact I am vary organized and like to have an organized schedual even though i normaly don't end up following it because of some distraction. Would that part make me unable to have ADHD-PI.

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  15. I am the parent of a 10 year old boy, who is struggling severely in school. Truth is he always had, I thought he would never learn to read and when he finally got it I was thrilled and thought maybe things will get better from here. I just turned in the questionaires that my husband, myself and his teachers filled out to the pediatrician and the next step is to meet with her and have him tested for ADD. He is not hyper, at all, so I think he may have ADHD-PI. He's having problems fitting in with the other kids, he says he doesn't have any friends and the other kids are calling him names. It is so upsetting as a parent and all I want to do is hold him and say it will be okay, but will it really? I know others must understand and have similar stories...I've read all these articles about ADHD-PI and he fits all the symptoms, he's been this way since he began school at age 4. I don't think I want to put him on medication. I'm so confused....

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  16. This is exactly what I have been looking for! My 9 year old daughters teacher spoke to me last week to tell me that my daughter was most likely going to get all D's on her report card because she doesnt do the work, being in year 4 she has to work more independantly and isn't coping. Her teacher said she is not a D student however she has to constantly be proded to do anything either at school or at home even when getting dressed or bathing.. We always put it down to Chelsea moving in 'Chelsea time'.. even her tennis instructor 'nags' at her cos shes so sluggish with everything she does. So I did some investigating and found out about Inattentive ADD and found my daughter meets all the criteria, I spoke to the teacher, she agrees, I spoke to our doctor.. he agrees now we have to wait to see the pediatrician.. Your site is fabulous and loaded with all the information I have been trying to find. How hard will it be to get a diagnosis??
    Thanks

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  17. It should not be at all hard. You have found the diagnosis and usually once the parent and teacher agree, your are on your way. I am so glad that you discovered this now! In girls it is often years before a teacher realizes that she is not lazy and that there is something else going on. Let me know if I can help with any questions. Tess

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  18. Tess,
    I'm so happy and relieved to have found your website. There's such a wealth of good information -- and reassurance here. My 17 year old son has been evaluated by two professionals (once in 7th grade and once in 10th grade) and they both determined that he is a gifted underachiever and is "borderline" for Inattentive ADD. There is nothing borderline about the issues it gives him where school is concerned, let me tell you. Halfway through 10th grade he started on a low dose of Concerta and had the best semester ever -- however, it stopped being very effective for him this year and grades took a dive. He goes along with treatment, but hasn't really accepted that this is something he really has to deal with and it won't magically go away. With his doctor's support, we are going to start a caffeine regime going into this next school year (he loves coffee!). I'm so hoping for positive results. I'm scared to death of him heading to college without having a better way to deal with all of this. Inattentive ADD is so insidious -- I always feel like I want to put a t-shirt on him at school with a disclaimer saying he isn't lazy or unmotivated, he is super bright, etc. etc. It can be a very lonely feeling as a parent. I want to be a support for him, and it's so hard sometimes! Keep up the great work, Tess! We ADD-I (or whatever!) parents really need you.

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  19. Thanks so much for your comment. He sounds like a great kid. I have a feeling he will find his way. Give it time. There is nothing more powerful than the tincture of time.

    Tess

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  20. I keep hoping. Our school system has very little in the way of services for our very bright, ADD - inattentive 13yr old son. He is so like the girl described - the inattentive child. We keep trying to make sure he does his work, which means most of it is done at home. Teachers often don't seem to understand. They see he is smart, that he isn't a behavior problem, and as long as we make sure he gets things turned in at some point, they don't complain in the best cases. In the less than stellar cases, they fight any accomodations that we do at home. In almost all cases, very little is happening in school. We hope to help him find his way through these years and work towards being a capable adult some day. But sometimes I worry...it is good to hear about someone who found their way.

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  21. This diagnosis if often harder on the parent and teachers than it is on the child. The child, providing their self esteem is not in the gutter, realizes through observation (after all they do a lot of that), that they are a round peg in a place with spaces only for squares.

    They know they do not fit into that space and generally do not try to 'shape shift'. Watching this lack of fitting in though is, I think, harder on the parent. The child, with encouragement and reasurance, will find a place where their circle does fit and thrive there.

    I think our job is to remind them that they are smart, creative, observant, intuitive, and aware of how it feels to not fit in. All talents that will make them strong, wise, empathetic, and an asset to any community.

    Keep the faith. i believe he will be fine and he really needs you to believe it too.

    Tess

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  22. Just curious as to how you go about finding a Cognitive Therapist and what exactly they do? My son was just recently diagnosed as ADHD-PI and I am not interested in trying medications at this point.

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  23. You can enter your zip code at this site to find a Cognitive Therapist: http://www.academyofct.org/Library/CertifiedMembers/Index.asp?FolderID=1137

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  24. Hey all you sluggish ADDer,s out there.....Is there a correlation with Inattentive ADD and low blood pressure? Go check. Check your sluggish kids. It was for me when I was a young thin 10, 17, 22, etc. Now I could eat tons of salt and still have very low BP. Once before a company hired me, they sent me to a hospital to see if I was alright first. After putting on 60 pounds it went up. I never knew if one had any effect on the other but I will if you have low BP too.

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  25. What a great comment and what an interesting thought!! I am going to look into this. There may absolutely be a relationship.

    Clonidine is now being used to treatHyperactive ADHD and it is one of the oldest medicines used to treat high blood pressure. Using Clonidine helps the symptoms of Hyperactive/Impulsive ADHD but has not been found to be very helpful with Inattentive ADHD. WHAT IF the mechanisms at work that lower blood pressure ALSO lower our activity levels causing us to be sluggish. Or maybe the mechanisms that make us sluggish also affect our heart and blood pressure.

    My blood pressure is also extremely low. When I had my C-section the OB-GYN and Anesthesiologist flipped out when during the procedure my blood pressure dropped to 40.

    I was awake because I had been given an epidural and they were looking at me and asking, "Are you feeling OK???" I looked at the monitor and realized why they were flipping out and I told them not to worry that my blood pressure sometimes dropped to 59 over 38 and I was fine (usually my blood pressure is about 86/64).

    I will research what we know about the connection between blood pressure and ADHD and write a post about it! Thanks again for getting us thinking about this.

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  26. Tessermom- how can I email you regarding local resources for my son in our area? He has been diagnosed with ADHD-PI and I can not find a "study coach" Thank you so much.

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  27. Thanks for reading! You can reach me at this email: tessmesser@gmail.com

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  28. Great websight, thank you! I'm curious if anyone has had luck getting effective IEP accomodations for their innattentive child at school? Our child is very bright and motivated, and we also keep after him regarding homework, so he gets good grades. He also does well on standardized tests, and psych reports indicate high IQ. His success seems to be working against him when it comes to accomodations which would make a difference, e.g. reduced work load, rubrics, writing assistance, etc. Although we keep explaining the enormous amount of time it takes our son to complete homework, and the large amount of help his parents have to provide with writing assignments, the school doesn't really get it. Our son has a weak 504 plan, and I'm curious whether there are kids in public school that are getting real help with PI issues.

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  29. Can I post this question on my forum?? My kids go to a Private school and though we do not have an IEP or 504, the school absolutely supports them so I cannot comment on what happens in Public schools except to comment that some kids are getting support. In terms of specifics, it is possible that someone on the forum (the link is in the upper left hand corner under the title "Forum and other Resources") may have more information.

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  30. I have a friend who managed to get an IEP for her son. But problems associated with his ADD had gotten so bad he was practically suicidal.

    GREAT BLOG! You keep saying "it gets better with time" but I have a 10 year-old and I want it to get better now. I am also an educator at a Catholic school that is losing students due in part to teachers who don't or can't accommodate kids with special needs. We are beginning to implement a 5 year school improvement plan. So I am wondering about any advice you may have to teachers in general and to me as a parent regarding how to effectively teach students with ADD-PI or ADHD. It seems most of my colleagues want the kids to go on medication BEFORE they try any accommodation. Understandably, most parents and students are reluctant to do this.

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  31. Liz, Thanks so much for your comment. I have posted guidelines for teachers and parents for the Management of ADHD at home and at school in this post: http://www.primarilyinattentiveadd.com/2011/03/effective-inattentive-adhd-home-school.html

    Thanks again for writing in!!

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